A romantic relationship is not something material — it is a living thing that feeds on beautiful moments and grows as an emotional attachment.
Psychologists say that when you go through a breakup, the experience is similar to someone close to you passing away.
You go through the five stages of grief before moving on, and if you don’t handle these stages wisely, it will dangerously damage your emotional health.
And this is hard too. Your brain will encourage you to make bad decisions —after all, it is just in the search for gratification.
That’s why it’s super important to NOT do things that will result in more pain and emotional suffering.
But before we move further, let’s understand the five stages of grief.
Because you need to know where you stand, it’s only then you can adjust to changes in a healthy manner.
Understanding the Kubler-Ross Grief Cycle
In 1969, a swiss psychiatrist, Dr. Elisabeth Kübler, described the 5 stages of grief model, explaining the emotions people go through after a traumatic experience.
She said that any traumatic experience is capable of triggering the 5 stages of grief cycle. This cycle consists of five stages denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.
Also, note that not everyone experiences these stages in this specific order.
Everyone goes through a different pattern, and it is almost impossible to know what will come first.
Let’s dig deeper into each stage of the “five stages of grief model.”
Denial
‘Going numb to the recent experience’ is what describes the stage of denial. After a traumatic experience, it is hard for an individual to accept what has happened.
Denial doesn’t mean that they will not acknowledge what happened.
They’ll just not believe it to be true.
This is a stage of shock where they’ll keep thinking that there’s been a mistake, and things will eventually revert to their original form.
For example, many AIDS patients, when they first hear the news, go into the stage of denial.
This is because their brain plays a trick with them to prevent harm. Even though they agree with the news, they’ll not believe it.
Anger
When the individual comes out of denial, they have to face the unpleasant reality. And in no case, this is the reality they’d prefer.
This triggers questioning.
Questions like why is life unfair to me? Where is god when I need him? — begin to hit.
They may also start blaming others for their situation and especially start throwing rage at unnecessary times.
Psychologists say that anger is an essential part of grief, and they even encourage it.
As everlasting as it may seem, the anger will fade after some time.
Once the rage phase cools down, there’s a high chance that they’ll move to the bargaining phase.
Bargaining
In this stage, they’ll firmly believe that they can change the current situation through negotiation.
But, more often than not, their negotiation is met with disappointment.
And this can be a massive trigger for depression.
Depression
This is the most common form of grief. And as I mentioned before, the stage of depression can come even before denial.
In this stage, the individual will lose all hopes in life. They’ll start feeling like they have nothing to live for. They may not even have the motivation to get out of bed.
This commonly results in individuals using self-harming substances like alcohol and drugs.
This is the most sensitive stage because if the individual is not treated at the early phase of depression, it can result in undesired consequences and even fatality.
Treating depression doesn’t only mean leaving it to the therapist.
Good family bonding, friends surrounding, physical and fun activities can be an amazing treatment for depression.
Acceptance
After going through all these stages, they’ll finally accept the situation as it is.
This is good because their experiences have made them emotionally stronger, allowing them to move on.
Even though they may not be completely ok with what happened, their emotional stability will allow them to live a full life again.
Anyone can go through these five stages of grief, and as cruel as these stages may seem, it will actually make you emotionally strong.
This will prepare you to face reality again, and you’ll have firm control over your emotions.
Now that you know how sensitive you can become after a breakup, I’m certain that you understand if you make bad decisions at these stages will result in a huge emotional suffering.
This is why I’ve prepared a list of 5 things that you shouldn’t do immediately after a breakup.
5 Things You Shouldn’t Do Immediately After a Breakup
Breakups are a reality of our lives. Almost no one lives their whole life without suffering the pain of separation.
But when this happens, you must do things that will help you move on and to be happy again. And not the things that’ll make the situation worse.
So, here are 5 things that you shouldn’t do immediately after a breakup.
Beg for Another Chance
It may seem like the most logical move to ask your ex for another chance right after your breakup. But it is not.
You may start thinking what a great guy/girl your partner was, and maybe you messed up badly. But you need to control this emotion as much as you can.
I’m not saying don’t try to fix relationships — I say, give your best to fix your relationship when you are in it. But once you know that it is gone for good, clinging on will only make it worse.
Be the judge, know when to stop.
Rebound
As the Kubler-Ross grief cycle says, you need time to move on. You can’t just simply replace your ex with a new person and expect things to be hunky-dory the next moment.
You need time to rest the baggage of emotional attachment that you’re carrying right now.
A rebound will just end in either you using the other person to feel like before — when you’re clearly not ready for this.
Or the other person using your pain as an advantage.
This is so not healthy for both parties. So, take your time, collect yourself, and only make yourself available once you’re actually ready.
Over Drink
Alcohol is an escape, and you know that. It is not-at-all a solution to your problems.
I’m not saying don’t drink at all. But don’t dive into a pool of whiskey too.
Alcohol has several known side effects. It will disturb your REM sleep, it will give you migraines, it will damage your liver. The list is endless.
You just went through a breakup, as everyone else does.
This is not the end of your life. You still have a long way to go. Take care of yourself.
Isolate Yourself
If you’ve cut all connections with the outside world, and you’re staying at home because you no longer feel like it and everything seems pointless, STOP.
Everything is NOT pointless. It just seems like it.
Get up from your bed, call your friends or family members, and spend time with them. They care about you, and seeing you in this situation is painful for them.
I totally get it — it’s hard. But you need to make a move. Isolating yourself is not the solution.
By doing this, you’re hurting yourself, and you’re allowing negative and meaningless thoughts to eat you.
Judge Yourself as an Individual
It is common for people to think that they’re flawed after a breakup.
These thoughts lead to things like isolation and meaningless rebound. But you need to know that you’re not flawed — you were never flawed.
It was the situation and some actions that may not even be in your control. So, don’t go too hard on yourself.
Instead of judging yourself, do some introspection.
Introspection is a well-established method in psychology where you look at a specific situation through a wholly unbiased and objective view.
This is super helpful because you can collect data from those situations with introspection and use them to make positive changes in your life.
I’ll write an in-depth post on introspection soon, so stay tuned.
Moving On
Ok, so these were things that you shouldn’t do after a breakup.
See, breakups are just a small phase of your extraordinary life. It is in no way the end.
You’re the same human being, with the same qualities and abilities. It’s just the situation that is bad.
This is the time when you analyze things in a completely non-judgmental and unbiased manner to find a way to move forward.
I’ll write a new in-depth post on things that you MUST do after a breakup very soon.
So, stay tuned to the CalmingSelf blog, and most importantly, take care of yourself.